THE END.

695 

That is how many days it has been since I have embraced my parents; Since I have spoken to them face to face.

Some of the last words spoken to me as I left, were these, "Return with Honor, Son."

I remember that cold winter morning as if it were yesterday, and yet it seems like ages ago. Never had I felt so sad, anxious, excited, scared, and unprepared in my life. 

I have had many wonderful times and many difficult times, but what has always helped me was this line: "Return with Honor, Son".

I had never felt many of the emotions that I have felt in the past two years; maybe I never will again. I honestly do not know. I don't know what it’s like anymore to not be a missionary, to not be on the Lords errand. I don't know how to live, how to work, what to do. I feel lost. 

But am I scared? Not at all. 

One thing that I have learned on my mission, is to put my trust in the Lord. Something that looks so simple on paper, but in action and thought it’s difficult. I have come to the realization that many times we are required or forced to look to the Lord for help. Jobs, kids, money, bills, sometimes we are put into situations where there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, and in our trials we learn to look up to our Supreme Creator for help. But there is a big difference in this and learning to TRUST in the Lord. 

Many of us relish and seek deep doctrine, seeking the mysteries of God, but when it comes down to it, we often don't even have the smallest idea what "Faith" really is. Faith has become deep doctrine to me, one that I feel I will never be able to fully comprehend, but it is a doctrine I have come to understand a lot better in these past couple years. 

In the beginning I was forced to look up, forced to rely on God for help. And I went on in the mission praying everyday for it. But it took a long time for me to actually start to trust that the help would be given, to KNOW that it would be given. I had always prayed and had the faith, but didn't have an inner assurance that it would be there when I needed it to be. No matter how spiritually in-tune you are, there will always be that slightest bit of doubt that you will actually get the help you need. I'm not saying that if you jump off a building and have enough faith, that you will start flying like Super man. But I'm saying that we need to believe more, instead of just hoping. Hope is the start, but if we BELIEVE more, it will take us to new heights. "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering."

It doesn't matter what situation you are in, TRUST IN THE LORD. There is always a way. The more we believe on a daily basis, the more our doubts are answered.

I don't know for sure what I will do with my life now, but I am not afraid. I know that it will work out. 

I cannot wait to see you guys again!

God Speed!

Elder Smidt X