Dear John,
And Family and Friends,
So I started writing this letter like a "Dear John" but then I remembered that we have an actual John in our family. I then got to thinking that every letter he gets is a "Dear John". Hehehe, that stinks. Anyways, this week has been crazy. I got two P-Days this week. From now on my P-Days will be on Saturdays, since I have joined the staff. Our P-days are Saturdays and all other missionaries P-days are Mondays.
I got to see two big things this week; one of the biggest of things that happen on the mission, and I saw it all in one day. I saw the beginning and the end of the mission in 24 hours.
Wednesday as I was called to the office to start my new calling and help with the transfers, I saw all the brand new missionaries that arrived in the mission field. I saw them come into the office all wide eyed, ghost-faced, smooth skin that has not been sun damaged yet, white pressed shirts, new ties, polished shoes and that classic look in their eyes of a mysterious world that they are about to enter into which is still completely unknown to them. That fear of the language, to preach the gospel, getting a good trainer, not knowing what in the world to do. I know very well that look, because that look stayed with me for a while. I could feel it radiating from me; the look of Inexperience. Then we shipped them off one by one with their corresponding companions.
Then later that day, we received the other missionaries. The missionaries with the yellow sun stained shirts, the color faded ties, dirty shoes, tan burnt faces, and with the smile of excitement and satisfaction. We all went to the President’s house, ate lunch and talked about what they would do after the mission. We had a testimony meeting in which the spirit was very strong. I saw some missionaries that I respected very much, cry, bearing their testimony, starting to feel the fear of leaving it all behind. Afterwards, we went and got all their luggage and headed off to the airport......seeing the whole process. Leaving a life behind from
the airport, and leaving your other life behind as well, from an airport. We checked them in and got the luggage on board. Then we waited. In that moment of waiting things started become too real to me. I began to see all the missionaries with their letters from the president congratulating them for the service that they had given; that they had finished and ended an honorable full time mission. But I noticed something different that I almost missed; something that if I hadn’t paid close attention to, would have easily gone unnoticed. I noticed a certain look in everyone's eyes. There were some with a complete look of satisfaction in their eyes. Knowing that it wasn’t just on paper that they had really done everything to serve an honorable mission. They knew it in their hearts. And then there were the others. There were a few that had a look of disappointment, not quite sadness, but disappointment. I knew a lot of their works, being their leader, and there were some that knew that they could have done more. They had it on paper that they "gave it their all" but it wasn't in their heart. I felt a pain in my heart. I felt so impressed to change everything about the way I work, so that I can take no regrets with me.
I am Assistant now, but I am far from being a good missionary. I have so much more to do to be able to feel that the Lord has accepted my work.
I have realized how fast the mission goes by. Don't release me in the field, keep me in! I cannot wait to see you guys again!
God Speed
Elder Smidt X
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